This is my first blog regarding my writing course that I have enrolled with under the Writers Bureau.
What I thought I would do was upload a few of my assignments for everyone to have a read over and give me their opinions. This first post is an introduction that I had to write so my tutor could get an understanding of my writing ability.
Have a read and tell me what you think;
Hello, my name is Simon Phillips. This is my first assignment and I look forward to reading your feedback.
I want to study the Writers Bureau Comprehensive Writing Course to learn how to structure a story correctly so I can get a novel published.
When I was younger I used to sketch out my stories as well as write them down. This was a great pleasure for me and I always wanted to one day get my art and stories published but I had, and still have, bad spelling and grammar problems. This really haunts me when I sit down and try to write. For example; I would try to write out a story, but I would spend more time editing and reediting the first chapter before I moved on to the next. This would make me frustrated and in the end I would just give up.
In 2006 I tried to get a manuscript published. First I had it proofread by a professional proofreading company. They sent it back with several pages of constructive criticism for me to read over. The part about character development, plot and story flow was enough for me to try to find somewhere to learn how to write but, then there was the part about grammar and spelling that made my heart sink. I didn’t know what to do so I put my manuscript in the drawer and never went back to it.
But, I want to try to write again, so I’m here ready to buckle down and learn how to write for a living. I hope this course will show me the way to get my name into print, and to help me get the ideas out of my head and on to paper so I can get them published as well.
A Walk around Osaka Castle Park
I follow the crowd as they make their way to the gates of the station. I notice an elderly gentleman dressed in blue uniform standing off to the left shouting to everyone to,” walk towards the exit in an orderly fashion “as he holds a megaphone to his face. One by one we go through the gates placing our train cards on top of the ticket swipe machines.
As I walk out of the station I notice that we are already in Osaka Castle Park. I look around and see trees dotted everywhere with small paths heading out like mazes in every direction. As my eyes scan the area and my nose takes in the smell of all the trees and plants, I notice just ahead through a small clearing the green and golden top of Osaka Castle.
As I make my way forward I notice that just ahead of me is a huge stairway that leads down to a wider path, and as I walk down the stairs I make note to myself to count the steps as I go. As I reach the bottom I make a mental count of 25 steps. I turn around and watch families of children and elderly scale the steps as if it were a hobby for them.
I walk down the wide path and notice the heat from the sun is causing a haze effect on the surface of the asphalt making me feel hotter than it really is. I come to a crossroad and notice a sign that reads Osaka Castle to the left and the Osaka Dome Theatre to the right. I have a quick gander at the big dome then make my start towards the castle.
The walk to the castle becomes more bearable as the trees overhead offer shade from the sun. The area is beautiful with trees and shrubs dotting the landscape for as far as the eye can see. The smell of cut grass is strong as it drifts with the breeze. Between the shrubs and open spaces I can see children playing and parents setting out picnic mats and barbeque sets.
I walk to the edge of the park that leads on to the entrance of the castle. The entrance is a huge bridge that flows over a deep moat that bends and twines around a huge rock wall. I walk over an arched shaped bridge and take in the smell of the moat which surprises me as not smelling like stale water in fact the smell was very pleasant.
Just ahead of me is the main entrance to the inner castle with a doorway as tall as a double-decker bus with wooden doors hanging from huge hinges as thick as the rocks used to build the outer walls.
As I pass through the doorway the first thing I notice is the castle itself. A huge white pointed tower rising up to the sky with slate roof tiles screaming out a green colour as beautiful as the trees I walked under.
My tutor replies with a nice opening message that says that my spelling and grammar is a common problem among writers and by what she has read that my problem might be to do with proofreading. This message alone was very refreshing and hits the nail on the head with my proof-reading troubles.
She then goes on to say that my “Walk around Osaka Castle Park” was good to a point that I have to try more in getting the reader to feel like they are in my head.
The comments where nice and a good opening to my writing course and I will try in future to use what my tutor has advised.
So please do give me your feedback and tell me what you really think with my opening piece.